


Never Again

by Anonymous



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Because what do we do when we get hurt?, Crying, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Repression, We pretend it never happened!, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29479410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Janus is hurting because he hurt Logan. There's only one solution.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15
Collections: Anonymous





	Never Again

Tears fogged up his vision and he bit his lip as he forced the feelings down. They were unwanted, unneeded. He couldn't bring himself to acknowledge them. They had hurt the people he loved, so never again would he let them see the light of day. After all, if they hurt people, they couldn't be good. He couldn't regress, he just couldn't.

He couldn't believe he could have been so stupid. Janus had hoped that, despite all odds, he might have said yes. Janus knew he wouldn't be happy with the request. But he had been dumb enough to hope that something might have come from it. Something other than heartache. Something other than a long discussion about boundaries and what was and wasn't okay to ask from him.

Well, he had gotten both. And he never wanted either of them either again. Yes, Logan had said that he might be willing to allow Janus to regress and play with him again. But Janus knew he couldn't be happy if he weren't allowed to nurse. He would be touch-starved, and alone, and sad. So he couldn't regress around Logan ever again. It hurt. It hurt more than words could possibly express. But here he was, sitting alone in his room with his heart physically _aching_ as he forced the feelings down and banished them from his mind. Logan said repression didn't work? He'd be surprised by how well Janus was able to do it. He'd repress it until it was no longer a need. Nothing more than a fever dream he had once upon a time.

And while it hurt short-term, he knew they both would be happier in the long run. He'd never have to ask anything from Logan that Logan wouldn't be able to deliver. Logan would never have to be uncomfortable around Janus again. And Janus...well. Janus would survive. He'd slowly rebuild the relationship with Logan that he had destroyed. They would be happy. Janus might never regress again, but one day, he would be happier for it.

He had to cling to this new hope. After all, if he didn't, what did he have? Without Logan, he had no friends. No family. No one to lean on. And he needed that support more than he needed to regress.

It was settled, then. He let himself cry in his room, then splashed water on his face when he was done, washing away the tears. No one had to know he was upset over this. No one had to know how it felt when his heart shattered into pieces over Logan saying no, saying he had put Logan in a "hard position," when Janus asked. He had never wanted to hurt Logan. But that was exactly what he had done. So he would never allow those needs, those urges a thought again.

He walked out of his room, blowing out a breath. Thomas needed him, after all, and he couldn't stay in his room forever. It was showtime.

**Author's Note:**

> Before you ask, no. I'm not okay.


End file.
